Sometimes I catch onto trends way after they start (aka Throwback Thursday). But with Facebook's reordering of my page, I came across a note I had written about an adventure in horseback riding that is kind of hilarious.
Instead of subjecting you to the terrible writing of the note, I shall dramatically retell the tale.
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Once upon a time, there were two fair maidens named Schmeather and Smelsey. Schmeather and Smelsey had driven their noble steeds, Beezlebub and Bucephalus, to a fellow's home in the far off land of Oshkosh.
After frolicking amongst the flowers, Schmeather and Smelsey loaded up their mounts and headed back home. But alas! The road was blocked by a stampeding herd of cattle, who were intent on reaching the dangerous highway, their eyes rolling and steam pouring out of their nostrils.
A hapless pair of men awaited in their carriage on the side of the road.
"Ah lackaday, what are we to do?? Yon cows are headed straight for traffic, where they art surely to become ground beef!" one said.
"Let us attempt to block them off at the pass!" the other said.
And so they traipsed off into the adjacent meadow, shortly joined by the local sheriff. They circled round the maddened beasts and got them going the other way, only to be thwarted when the cattle swung back toward the busy road.
Schmeather and Smelsey, seeing that the way was clear, pondered whether to offer their lowly assistance or to go while the going was good. However, another pair of farmers had arrived to watch the chaos. Schmeather and Smelsey consulted with them, facetiously suggesting that they ready their horses and chase after the cows. The farmers took them at their word, crying "Yes! The beautiful ladies have found a way to save the day!"
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| Smelsey and Bucephalus |
Off came Beezlebub and Bucephalus from the transport, snorting and pawing the ground, eager for the chase.
"Mount up!" cried Smelsey.
"Chaaaaaaaarge!" cried Schmeather.
Necks stretched out, Beezlebub and Bucephalus pounded across the field, neighing at the sheer joy of the hunt. The cows, hearing such fearsome creatures bearing down upon them, reared their heads up, mewling with fear.
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| Schmeather and Beezlebub |
Such did the visiage so intimidate the wild creatures that they quickly became docile and dumb, meekly obeying the fair maidens and their great steeds.
The sheriff shouted out an order to one of the farmers to open her shed and allow the cattle in until their owner could be found. Beezlebub and Bucephalus, snorting and pacing, drove the beasts away from the road and into the shelter. The doors were slammed shut and the cattle were contained.
An impromptu cheering arose. "Huzzah! Huzzah! All hail the fair maidens and their noble steeds!" The sheriff sank to one knee and effusively thanked the ladies.
"Fair maidens, thou hast saved the day! Had ye not bravely faced those terrible creatures, the village would have been in uproar and it would have been a dark day indeed. Is there not nothing we can do to show our thanks?"
Schmeather and Smelsey looked off into the distance.
"Nay," said Smelsey. "A good deed was done today. That is all that matters."
"Tell thy farmers to keep close care of their animals, so that no child may fear being run down, nor any driver fear their carriage strike such a beast," said Schmeather.
And the fair maidens and their beasts rode off into the sunset, never to be seen by the villagers again. Their story was handed down from grandmother to granddaughter, and from grandfather to grandson, so that they may never forget the day Schmeather and Smelsey, Beezlebub and Buchephalus, joined together to save the day.
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True story. You can read the boring version
here.
